A blog about faith, intentional living and the joys and struggles of married life.

Category: Marriage (Page 1 of 4)

The Nudge That Became a Push

There are times in life when what starts out as a nudge becomes a hard push. That push for us came in May when after months and months of discernment, we moved our sweet little family from Kansas City to Vancouver…yes…Canada!

Now to address the next obvious question, why?

It all began with a simple talk Pat and I heard over a year ago. I don’t recall much of it, but one overarching theme did stick.

Trust.

Did I have the kind of faith that would trust and follow Christ no matter what the cost? Of course, my memorized Christian response was ‘yes’.

But what if what He asked me to do something outside of my own plan for life? What if He asked me to follow Him without knowing all the details? What if He asked me to do something that might look crazy to other people?

This question that echoed in both our hearts filled the void of silence as Pat and I drove home that evening?

Did we actually trust in the God we speak so highly of?

The truth is we didn’t…at least not initially.

This little nudge which has since resulted in the biggest step of our lives started our small like most things do.

We had been wrestling with God for months, maybe years…each in our own unique and personal way. For Pat, this was felt professionally. He was desiring more, feeling an itch to do work in a greater capacity for the Church. I wish I could say my reasons were so noble, but if I’m honest I was just feeling antsy.

Several weeks after we heard that talk, Pat and I still couldn’t shake this feeling that God was about to move in a big way. But first, He needed us to step out on a limb and trust even though all we could see was the next step.

Then it happened, on an ordinary week day right after lunch, the Lord moved. Pat called me on the phone during his work day just to check in as he so often does and out of the blue starts mentioning this upcoming Catholic Creative conference that he wanted to attend. In the next breath, he rattled off a list of all the reasons he didn’t think he should go…money, another weekend away from the family, etc. Suddenly, in a moment I truly believe was the Holy Spirit speaking through me I interrupted him mid-sentence and told him to go.

This simple phone call would set into motion a series of events, undeniably orchestrated by God. Before we knew it, Pat was off to Dallas where he was introduced to all sorts of people who challenged and inspired him and set his soul on fire in a way I haven’t seen in years. One such person was JM Boyd, a partner at an agency outside of Vancouver that had a special interest in taking on non-profit clients, particularly Christian ones.

It was the magical unicorn job that Pat always wanted but never thought could be successful.

He returned from the conference buzzing and more ready than ever to make a move in the direction of his professional dreams, but still without a clear idea of what that next step was.

I was excited for him, albeit taken back a little by his eagerness. I mean Pat has always been the sure and steady one in our relationship. He has big dreams, but often forgoes pursuing them in favor of being the steady provider for our family.

In all his excitement, I reacted the way my choleric self so often does encouraging him to go for it. Cheering him onto continue conversations and mentorships with these people, particularly JM. My support was slightly off the cuff, but I meant it none the less. After all, who doesn’t love a great adventure? Little did I know this adventure would’t only remain in my mind but require some real and difficult sacrifice.

As the weeks after the conference turned to months, Pat continued periodic phone calls with JM. Every time he would get off a call, Pat would come upstairs trying to contain his excitement. It was dream job, and understandably Pat was enthusiastic.

After hearing about this unicorn agency countless times over and in a moment some would call complete insanity (I like to think sheer genius) I told Pat he just needed to call up JM and ask if they had any jobs available. Of course Pat looked at me like I was crazy, explaining to me that that was just not the way agency world works.

Please…I mean I’ve never worked in an agency but I have successfully worked in the professional world. And if I do know one thing it’s that sometimes you just need to go for it, no matter how crazy it may seem.

I pushed further, explaining ‘what’s the worst that could happen…you leave a weird impression with some guy in Canada? On the flip side…this could be the best thing that has ever happened. This could be the Lord’s work.’

Now you may wonder what I was thinking, I mean really I was practically encouraging my husband to ask about a job which did not exist and on the off chance they did want to hire him would require a huge move for our family. Not to mention I had confirmed a few weeks prior that I was pregnant with our third by this time.

I think truthfully I figured it was a long shot, but reasoned why not put yourself out there a bit…maybe something extraordinary could happen. It was either that or pregnancy hormones.

Some time shortly after Pat decided to take my crazy advice and made a phone call to JM explaining that he loved the work that Glass Canvas was doing and if any jobs opened up in the future he would be honored to be among the ones considered. And without skipping a beat, JM responded with ‘well, let me talk with our other partners and see what we can figure out.’

And the rest is history.

Why I Don’t Use Contraception: A Man’s Perspective

The Catholic belief on birth control is a tough pill to swallow (pun intended). Since I’m a man I often get a look of disbelief when people learn that my wife and I don’t use contraception.

“You really believe in no birth control?”, they say. “Are you planning to have 20 kids?”  “I have a friend who’s Catholic and his wife is on the pill.”

Unfortunately, these reactions are the norm (the last one kills me). This is probably in part because according to a study in 2014, 78% of Catholics disagree with the Church’s teaching on contraception.

Despite being in the minority, Nicole and I don’t use contraception. Per the guidance of the Church we have chosen to be open to all that God has to offer, including however many children He wants to bless us with. We want our marriage to match the kind of love God has for us–a love that is free, total, faithful, fruitful (a.k.a., the four components of God’s love for us).

So what do we do, just roll the dice every time we want to get down?

Nope.

Nicole and I use Natural Family Planning, something we have written about here before. So why not contraception? Beyond the Church’s wisdom on this teaching, I thought I should summarize a few reasons why I don’t use contraception and instead choose to use NFP as our method of family planning.

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Praying With Your Spouse: A Step-By-Step Guide to Get You Through the Awkwardness

We hear it all the time…well at least in the crowds I roll with.

Pray with you spouse.

Yeah…okay, but what they really mean is to pray for my spouse.

Nope. Wrong. They actually mean to pray with your spouse.

Ugh…but that’s so awkward.

The truth is that you are exactly right. It is awkward…really awkward.

While there is an incredible benefit and need to pray for your spouse, I want to focus on the equally beneficial (and necessary) act of praying with your spouse. By sharing your prayer life with one another, you allow God another avenue to enter into your lives as a couple.

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5 Books Every Married Couple Should Read

Whether you’re preparing for the vocation of marriage or have been married for decades, there are a few books that I think every couple must read. I’ve read these marriage books over the last couple years and they have not only inspired me in learning how to love my husband better but have also helped me navigate my way through murky waters when times get tough…and we all experience times like that.

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How Having a Baby Ruined My Marriage

Babies change EVERYTHING. Some would even say that having a baby ruined their marriage and I would have to agree with them. I love my daughter as well as the life my husband and I are building with her, but that doesn’t mean my pre-baby life isn’t ruined. In fact, it’s been demolished.

I can never go back to life before kids…never. From the moment my daughter was born until the day I leave this world, I will forever be a mother.

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Three Tips to Survive the First Year of Marriage | Newlywed Advice

About a year ago I made the best decision of my life–I married my wife Nicole. This has been the most significant thing I’ve ever done (sans having our daughter). We celebrated one amazing year of marriage in November. So much has happened in the past twelve months that it feels like we’ve been married for much longer (kind of like dog years, but in a good way). However, its seems like this time of flux is rarely unique for newlyweds.

With a year of experience under my belt and since I’m clearly a pro at married life (yeah right, just ask Nicole), I thought I would share some of the things I have learned so far. Here’s some newlywed wisdom for you–three points on how to survive, or better yet thrive in the first year of marriage.

Tip #1, make time for your wife

This sounds pretty basic. When you get married you will naturally spend more time together, right? After all, isn’t this what the honeymoon period is for? Ahh…thus the conundrum. Story time…

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When Newlywed Life Gets Busy, How Do You Stay Connected?

It doesn’t take long to realize that marriage is work. Funny how that works isn’t it? I can’t say I’m all that surprised. After all it’s not like no one warned me of this. I suppose I just didn’t expect to be facing this challenge so soon. Pat and I are a mere six months into this vocation (newlyweds by most definitions) and yet we have already felt the chaos of day-to-day life pulling us in different directions. So how do couple’s stay connected in a culture that demands you give every ounce of yourself to all the things that really don’t matter? This is our vocation and should always be a main priority despite how busy life gets. Continue reading

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