It’s no secret that pregnancy has its ups and downs, yet when others describe their own journey toward parenthood the not so glamorous moments seem to be conveniently forgotten. I haven’t decided if this is some sort of inexplicable amnesia that mothers are blessed with post labor, or if people really are under the guise that pregnancy is just a magical time. News flash ladies…it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Of course there is that one beautiful benefit at the end of nine months you get to cuddle up with and dress in cute clothes, but I’m not there yet. So in the meantime I figured I would humor you with some of my favorite humiliating and downright awkward musings on pregnancy and motherhood thus far. After all, everyone loves a little dose of self depreciating humor from time to time.
People warned me about pregnancy cravings, but before motherhood I just assumed they meant that pregnant women had certain culinary preferences. Oh how wrong I was. These are no mere food inclinations, but rather taste bud demands. These “cravings” can turn a glowing pregnant woman into a tyrannical Pregzilla beast thrashing through the grocery aisles in search for the one coveted item that will appease her taste buds. None are immune from the wrath of Pregzilla when hunger strikes, myself included.
It was a lovely Sunday afternoon when I first experienced this demon rising up inside me. A bowl of Cocoa Pebbles was the snack of choice…and of course we didn’t have any in the house because really who eats Cocoa Pebbles after age 9? Apparently Pregzilla does.
I fled to the grocery store in a panic as if Price Chopper were going to run out of Cocoa Pebbles on a Sunday afternoon. Of course when I arrived the store was flooded. Why you ask? Because it was 4pm on Superbowl Sunday and why wouldn’t like-minded party planners wait until the last minute to stock up on their favorite game time snacks?
As I elbowed my way through the crowded store I could hear my tummy rumbling as if the baby was calling out for Cocoa Pebbles. Finally, I made it to the cereal aisle pleased to find the Pebbles were still in full stock. I grabbed two boxes because who knows when Pregzilla might strike again? Once I made it to the express lane checkout things were looking up. After all, I had my Pebbles and was a mere minutes away from enjoying their tasty crunch. But then as the woman behind the counter was ringing me up the clouds of misfortune began to loom. I realized that I had forgotten my wallet at home. NOOOO!
In panic and hysteria I believe I actually pleaded with the cashier woman to hold my Cocoa Pebbles for fear they may run out.
See also: Musings on Motherhood: Sweaty, Swollen and No Place to Sit | Musings on Motherhood: Diaper Aisles Exist to Make You Cry
I scurried back to my car and raced out of the parking lot, little did Pat realize but Pregzilla was about to disrupt his afternoon. I called him ranting on and on about the terrible circumstances of this day. Why me? Why my life?
Amidst my raging, I can recall suggesting to Pat that he actually throw my wallet in my passenger window as I drove by. Yes…I really did this.
Needless to say it all ended well, I got the sweet satisfaction that only Cocoas Pebbles can give and Pregzilla was tamed. I have now successfully gone five months Pregzilla free. Some days are harder than others, but the only advice I can offer is to always make sure the pantry is stocked with some Cocoa Pebbles.
